Take a Gander...

Introduction/Invitation

It was only a couple of years ago that my family started to mock my incorrect usage of a word: "gander". I love to take walks, go for explorations, take the time to be with the Lord, or go for a bushwalk. Indeed, I love to "go for a gander". And for many, they would interpret that as seeing, or watching, or looking out for, or perceiving.

For me, it has always meant to take a hike, or tread on the footpath or sidewalk in my neighborhood, or get to work or the supermarket or walk the dog. Rarely ever do I use the word correctly: "to see".

And I suppose in our politically correct age, my subjective definition of this word would be most correct for this would be my truth and nobody else's. In a culture that redefines words constantly, my strict disobedience to the laws of the English language, or the Oxford dictionary, or the definition my family believe to be correct.

And indeed, if you thought "Introduction" meant

"A thing preliminary to something else, especially an explanatory section at the beginning of a book, report, or speech"

, as written in the Oxford dictionary, then I will disappoint in this introduction, for it hardly clarifies, nor explains the content about which I will pontificate. For somewhat ironically, we will see the word "introduction" ill-used and the word "gander" quite well integrated into my content. In fact, the word "gander" will be used as the verb it was created to be, and the introduction will not hold its true identity. Perhaps we should call this introduction an "invitation".

For right now, the content remains elusive, but in my introduction (or invitation) I call on you to take a gander, a look-see of sorts into life this past year.

And perhaps, maybe, just maybe, you might skip the nonsensical introduction that never was, and welcome the invitation. And perhaps, maybe, just maybe, you might enjoy my speech on the year that was, and take a small gander into my life this past semester.

Spring 2021

Perhaps I ought to be ashamed of myself, because I truly enjoyed writing the incredibly confusing nonsensical introduction of earlier. But truly, I was reminded of my quirkiness earlier this week, whether derived from Australia or simply my own messed up sense of humor. Needless to say, I was kind o missing home and the life I left behind. The laughter I shared with family and friends, whether it be at myself or sharing in the joy of simply being with the people I love most.

And Spring 2021 could really be summed up as "blessings overflowing" and "joy abounding" and yet I feel as if it might be "He gives and takes away". The Lord has been incredibly good, and there are some things I have bent down on my knees and said, "please, take away the pain". Fortunately the latter can only be counted maybe on one hand. Most of it, I still point back to is homesickness.

The last thing I wanted to speak on was the pain of leaving my past. What I have realized however, is that leaving your past not only means in the place you left but in the place you enter. I have given up little parts of my accent, or the things I might have owned back home, or the talents and skills that I brought with me that have been swapped with other amazing opportunities.

It is a loss amid so much blessing.

But deeper than any pain is the distress of starting from ground zero in every relationship you have ever known. Any immigrant, or TCK, or MK, or kid who has moved home so many times, or kid divided between two homes, or traveller, or refugee or alien in a foreign land will know a thing or two of going deep really quickly and building friendships fast, and burning out when you are trying so hard to formulate a relationship with someone who might soon leave your life. It's as if you've suddenly switched to survival mode, as if feeding on a relationship that you hope will be mutual.

I kind of felt that switch when I moved here, because now that I am here, I am constantly moving around and buzzing.

When you move, who knows what you'll leave behind...

This semester has been amazing for so many reasons. Busy, and yet purposeful. Starting a new part time job, joining the school choir, taking 16 credits, running a Bible Meditation night at school, creating a letter-writing program at school, giving tours for admissions, helping with a musical, continuing with daily exercise, moving from one thing to the next hoping life might slow down, but knowing it never will. Sometimes, it means sacrificing time to grow in various relationships.

Fortunately, I managed to find time every day to spend with the Lord. Fortunately, he always gifted me with that quiet space in my life.

But the Lord has really challenged me to look ahead. Four or five hours of sleep a night isn't sufficient with a full day of classes and a three-hour shift at work. Striving to remain passionate about what you enjoy isn't realistic when your exhausted. It was by the grace of God that I lived and breathed each day.

And if you read "Restless to Climb" I doubt I need to further explain this. But I will say this, that homesickness has played a huge role in causing me to be busy and restless to do everything I ever wanted to do in one semester. But I have realized that with everything amazing that has happened this semester, I have not taken the time to slow down an process this loss.

I do not want to grow introspective, but I want to bring before the Lord the relationships that have suffered with the move and ask him to redeem them. Perhaps more than anything, I am praying that he might take a gander at what he allowed to be taken away and redeem it, or put a bandage on it, or alleviate some of the pain of the past, or the pain of leaving the past, or the pain of considering the past and "taking a gander".

Maybe in the constant movement and busyness that will invade my life (like the stupid pothos leaves in my room that keep growing), I will be reminded to actually take this journey with the Lord and allow him to look into my life, and allow myself to see from his perspective. I have learned that this is slower, that it is more time-consuming. But rather than growing mournful, perhaps he might remind me that every relationship founded on and dedicated to him, no matter what stage it is in, is valuable.

The relationships that the Lord is watering...

Maybe if you're reading this, you are empathetic, or understand exactly the phenomena I am talking about. Maybe you have been uprooted so many times, that you have grown numb to the pain. Maybe starting relationships are not the growth of an oak, but the simple bamboo shoots that require little care. Maybe it has been just that easy.

Perhaps if you are reading this, you are interested in what Spring 2021 has looked like in every relationship and would love to hear of where God has continued to nourish and redeem and weave relationships kindly in my life.

#1 MuKappa

This is the group that welcomed me in with open arms when moving from Australia to the USA. MuKappa is particularly geared towards third-culture and missionary kids who have experienced another culture and are returning to their "home-base" or "passport-country". They helped with the transition from one culture to a new one and helped me to make sense of grief. This semester, as I continued to mourn losing people and the struggle of leaving behind an entire past, I have bonded with those who have done the same.

Specifically this semester, we went on a retreat to Myrtle Beach and a cute little Airbnb near the shore. The wife of our missionary in residence spoke on the struggles of being a TCK/MK. Many things were relatable, many things were different. What united us was worshipping together, knowing that it was Christ with whom we would one day share our home.

#2 The CIU Ambassador Choir

I have so much joy in saying that I joined the same choir my Mom was apart of when she was in college here at CIU. Of course, with different people and under a different choir director, but in the CIU community, the lines become blurred. You feel you are a part of a long-term legacy.

While exhausting at times, especially with the requirement for masks while singing, it was rewarding to see personal vocal development and to develop deeper relationships with each of the members at choir. I was encouraged to see the passion our director, Prof T, had for his students and his desire to see us grow as a choir. I certainly was witness to its improvement and I was grateful to God for the opportunity to worship him with many voices.

And there were so many opportunities for laughter and joy and fellowship. I felt very much at home in this environment, and I felt I could be myself (with my lousy sense of humor).

#3 My closest friends

Indeed, if I was to name two of my closest friends to me, it would be my dear friends Alex and Caroline. Together, we have made a couple of trips away, whether it be to Greenville or to Charleston. We have spent long periods of time together, simply chatting. I have had the honor of getting to know these two amazing individuals at a much deeper level these past few months and grown to love and respect them, especially considering the extensive intelligence God has blessed them both with.

And while I could continue to list the many people in my life with whom I have bonded closely with - and probably shouldn't for privacy reasons - there is one thing for certain. God has bonded likeminded Christians together in such a way that the term "Brothers and Sisters in Christ" holds a deep and intimate meaning for my life. I know that it is through Christ that I am bonded with these believers.

#4 My work colleagues

While I would not say I am close with my work colleagues, in particular, I have enjoyed coming to know them more. I am blessed to say I work with an outstanding team for admissions. I am blessed to see them hard at work, seeking to bring people into our CIU community who love Jesus and want to know him more.

My boss and manager are deeply encouraging and they inspire me to bring my all at work. While the many phone calls and emails can seem monotonous at times, and while I do not always feel optimistic, the Lord has shown me how much I have to be grateful for, whether or not I would rather be at home or not. They are the hands and feet of Jesus and I see their energy and I glorify God that I get to be apart of that.

Conclusion

There were just so many moments of pure and utter joy and I am grateful you were able to take a gander with me. You see, the times in which life felt hard, I found purpose in my relationships and all I was learning. This upcoming semester will show me what it means to be a leader (as I take on Sophomore Class President), what it means to be an actress (as I hope to perform in the fall play), what it means to work hard for the Lord (as I continue with my job), and what it means to be a student of the Lord (as I take on some more difficult classes).

When you are homesick, it is very hard to overcome the feeling that you might never see home again, or that relationships will never be the same again, or you will have to start from ground zero all over again. But each and every opportunity it a reminder of another truth.

God is faithful all over again.

And I know that this semester has been rough and wearisome, lacking sleep and constantly stimulated by people and little rest. But understanding the faithfulness of God to take what is broken or lacking and build it up each and every time is the most rewarding knowledge.

Perhaps even knowledge that will carry me into Fall 2021.