"I have lived in the [Sovereignty] of God"

"The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the Lord." (Proverbs 16:33)

"When you go through a trial, the sovereignty of God is the pillow upon which you lay your head.” (Charles Spurgeon)

"For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things were created through him and for him. And he is before all things, and in him all things hold together." (Colossians 1:16-17)

My little devotional (before some big news)

A popular song by Bethel Music has these words in the first verse:

"I love You, Lord

For Your mercy never failed me

All my days, I've been held in Your hands

From the moment that I wake up

Until I lay my head

Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God"

The first part of the song is a reference to his great sovereignty. Part of God's goodness in my life, has been felt in the moments where I truly knew he was sovereign. Whilst his sovereignty is not dependent nor changing with my knowledge of this attribute, I have had so many moments in the past month where I have truly felt, seen and believed in his sovereignty.

But as with most people, it probably ebbs and flows. Usually, we go through a depression of anxiety, before a great climax of true faith and belief. Honestly, I wish my faith was steadier - on more of a plateau - but I know it is the result of my being marred by sin. I pray the Holy Spirit may guide me to always trust in a God who is sure, who is certain.

After long travel and some fatigue, there have been very few nights here in the USA where I have been unable to get to sleep, but how often have you struggled to rest your weary head? I ask myself this very same thing, knowing that often I stress. There were nights before I departed Australia where I was up late into the night, unable to rest my head. My mind was spinning with details, and unrest at the thought of leaving my home of 18 years. Spurgeon, as quoted above, says that the sovereignty of God is the very thing which is his comfort, his security blanket or, in his case, a pillow.

How often can you say you have trusted the Lord? I spent a month doing a devotional series on the book of Proverbs, a whole book founded on the prospect that fearing the Lord brings wisdom. I have not been wise in my anxiety. I have not put total faith in God. Bethel's song goes on to say that "I have lived in the goodness of God". With everything I have gone through, I can truly say "I have lived in the [sovereignty] of God"!

Do you know the tradition of "casting lots" from the Old Testament? In most cases to us, it sounds like gambling. But there is a difference. In gambling, there is usually an element of discontent (eg. wanting more money) and distrust (eg. God won't provide). In the tradition of casting lots, every decision is instead brought before the Lord to decide - there is a belief in God's sovereignty, not your own. In the end, every decision is from the Lord, we are just required to trust him.

My whole life has simply been "casting lots", but I am ashamed to admit that not every decision I made was brought before the Lord. I did not always seek out his will, though it would always be done. The past six months have challenged me, and pushed me to see his sovereignty. Colossians says that "in him all things hold together" and this past year has helped me to believe that in my heart.

And whether or not my will be done, his will is being done throughout time. And in his sovereignty, I trust. For his will is good and perfect, and his plan is established in order. And I believe.

All that to say, I have some very great and exciting news...

This past week has brought some stress, as I have had to sort out basic needs for college and adult life. Suffice to say, there was a lot to get done. Many things had to be done here rather than back home, and so with two weeks before move in day, there was a little concern that I would be able to finish everything.

The greatest concern: insurance.

Let's just say, insurance is not the easiest thing for a US citizen who lived in a foreign country (whose parents live in a foreign country) to purchase. As well as that, it is quite pricey. It has been a huge uphill climb, trying to contact people, filling out online applications...really getting no where.

Until I emailed my college nurse, and she was a God-send.

After struggling all afternoon yesterday contacting people, looking up more insurance options, trying to find something affordable that meets the requirements, I emailed the school nurse for suggestions, what other students were doing, and she pointed me to health care sharing with Samaritan Ministries.

For those who don't know what health care sharing is, essentially, it is direct need based sharing paid monthly at an affordable rate which, for a large portion of the time, will go directly to the health needs of another member. As well as direct sharing, you might share a note of encouragement and continue to be in prayer for that member. Samaritan Ministries adopts the theme of biblical caring for needs in a health care plan that acts as insurance. Even better, whilst it works outside the Affordable Health Care Act in the US, it meets all the requirements and thus offers a sustainable and affordable health care option for Christians.

Yes, Christians! (this is sounding like an advertisement) All members are required to believe in Christ for their salvation, and adhere to standards of morality (sobriety, proper use of substances, sexual activity within the context of marriage etc.) that are outlined in the Bible. Needless to say, as a Christian, this health care option looked incredible.

But finding such an insurance option wasn't the only burden that was relieved. Whilst I was calling my parents back home concerning the insurance option, which we decided to go with, I received an email from my college that had even more exciting news.

I had been accepted into the ambassador program at my College!

Essentially, it would be sort of like a job for the year, where I would represent the college in tours I would host and various events I would help out at. Essentially, it's job description was being an extrovert, something that really appealed to me. Even better, I could help and serve various people who would come to CIU, and I could represent more than the College, but Christ himself. I prayed about my application, but for the large part, it seemed like a no-brainer.

This job will give me a $2000 scholarship for the year.

Guess how much insurance will cost for the year? Just short of $2000!

In my stress of financially handling college and, presently, insurance, God provided an outcome that equalised my balance back to zero, without feeling like finances would be drained greatly. My insurance would be covered by the scholarship (essentially, not directly) and I feel like a financial burden has been lifted.

So the sovereignty of God is real...

I have known for a long time that God is in control, but there is a great difference in knowledge and belief. I rejoice, for he has provided for me in this way. I rejoice because I know I have a sovereign God. But I pray that for years after this great God-moment, I will rejoice because I believe I have a sovereign God!

I know I am clouded often by my own security, but in every God-moment, I must realise that every moment is his. He holds the earth together, he has established it in order. To us, the world seems like chaos. It is marred by sin.

But we have a great God who has conquered sin and death. He is the only person who can save us from the depths of our shame. Christ is the name upon which I believe.

I live in the sovereignty of God, where I have always lived. One day, I will stand before him, and with a pure heart - purified by the blood of Christ - I will truly, truly believe he is in control.

And no one will take me away from that. Praise God for his wonder and awesomeness in my life.