Nothing but time

I've had many questions I was going to ask God in my lifetime, many of them I have quickly forgotten, but one that stands out is: "would onions make you cry before the fall?" Another is: "do you have blueprints for any other creation in your mind?" I feel the latter has good reason, because I feel a creative and omniscient God could come up with some really cool designs. I mean, he already has!

But perhaps, as we come to the final hours of this year and continue into next, you are probably adding this question to your list:

"Why 2020?"

And I suppose, we could look to many years and say they were just as crazy. Perhaps you can pinpoint other years in your life and the life of your family and say they were worse. But 2020 has been an exceptionally crazy year with a worldwide pandemic, the political craziness of a world power, the surge in racial tension, and other problems that just occur without the specific events of this year.

I don't really understand why it seemed all packed into this one year.

I think we've all held our tongues for 2021. Last year, we seemed to jinx it, believing that a new decade would bring welcome changes to our world and for the nations. We were wrong to assume that the events in this world would surmount to anything less than chaos and craziness.

But if we looked close enough, 2020 had its order. The reason I can say this: God is sovereign.

2020 in my life

You see, my word for this year, both in reflection and in hopefulness, was "Sovereignty". I reiterate this, because I think its a good reminder of me to be thankful. Thankful to the God of order, to the God of all power, wisdom and might. When 2020 seemed to strike us hard, I could see so many ways in which God was in control.

And when I think about it: 2020 was not so bad for me. In fact, I would call 2020 one of the greatest years of my life.

You see, God answered so many prayers. There is something about trusting God that makes his answers all the more worthwhile. I prayed that God would make my first six months in Australia before going to the USA productive and worthwhile. Sure, I had to get creative, but let me show you all I was able to accomplish through God's help:

• God helped me write a Proverbs devotional on this blog

• God helped me run a Photography competition

• God gave me work through a company he helped me start called "Odd Jobs" (when I was unable to find work anywhere else) where I babysat, cooked, cleaned and organized

• God gave me time to record videos of my Proverbs devotionals

• God gave me the opportunity to get fit and try Junk-Free June

• God gave me the opportunity to spend time with old and new friends and family whether virtual or in-person

• God gave me time to learn bullet journaling, watercolors, poetry and other ways to creatively express myself.

• God gave me Bible College and a job

• God gave me a plane ticket, permission to leave, safe and easy travels

• God gave me a lead role in the play Emma

• God gave me two sisters in law (and two married brothers)

• God helped me to find a regular church to attend

• God helped me start a drawing business which has been fairly successful

• God allowed me to start a drama club at my alma mater

• God gave me my drivers license

• God allowed me to be a Youth Leader at the beginning of this year.

When I look back on all these things, I praise God! I see his work in my life. I have noticed more joy springing up in my life than ever before, even though there has been much chaos around me. I almost feel I was in some sort of bubble where everything around me never hurt me or fully affected me. Until of course my departure.

And we all know the struggle with that story.

It sounds arrogant, ignorant for me to say I have not been affected much. There are some reading this with battle scars from this year. I am sure this year has left many crumbling. I'm sure this year has many praying deeply. One of my greatest experiences above all else was learning to be there, to be present and to be an encourager for all those facing incredibly hard circumstances. I have seen people lose people to suicide or to COVID or to natural causes. I have seen people have relationship difficulties, I have seen people feel trapped, or lonely, or anxious. I have seen people mourn loss. I have seen people bullied, abused, challenged and scorned. I truly wish to weep with you.

My grandmother, in particular, is someone who I have learned from, for she is the greatest encourager and loyal friend I have ever seen. She has retold countless stories of friends she held close, she wrote to, she called. Though she cannot get out much, she ensures that she loves where she can. She reminded me of a verse the other day:

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15)

In the ESV Bible, this is under a section entitled "Marks of the True Christian". As Christians, we need to be finding ways of encouraging individuals, whether they rejoice or they weep. When we truly feel for them, and when we love them, when we have a heart for them, we show just how much Christ's love has affected us and changed us.

For those who have suffered in 2020, my heart truly goes out to you, and I would love to learn how I can continue to pray for you.

2020 brought change

The greatest struggle of 2020 for me, is the greatest struggle I have always experienced, and that is change. From the time the Christmas tree was put in a different spot, to the time I dropped my oldest brother off at college, change has always been difficult for me. And with the major change I experienced, saying goodbye was a hard addition, the icing on the cake, the cherry on top.

But it was hardly sweet.

I have cried much in my life, especially in High School when I went through some pretty rough stuff. I sobbed fewer times. Perhaps having to say goodbye to all those closest to me in one moment was the most gutting, traumatic experience. Maybe that's why I sobbed.

You see, change was never easy.

2020 changed the country I knew to be home and changed what I remembered about it from holidays. It changed the people and culture around me. It limited all I had been able to do on holidays. I realized more and more that this was not a holiday, this was life.

My group of friends morphed around me, as I said goodbye to very close friends back home and made some new close friends at school. I now had to get to know new people and learn a new culture and situate myself in a place I felt uncomfortable.

I had to realize that I would never feel at home like I would at my parent's house. So far from home, I have no home here where I actually feel I can be myself.

But maybe change is good. Maybe its good that I'm uncomfortable. 2021 might the year of even more discomfort. I think the Holy Spirit is gonna use that to our advantage. I think when we see everything hard come to fruition once again next year, we will be more fit for change. Hopefully we won't grow comfortable. I am praying that hearts will be humbled and softened by the trials of 2020 making the harvest more plentiful in 2021.

What if we saw revival in our world in 2021?

The Folly of Hopeful wishes

My poem "Nothing But Time" is a pretty depressing depiction of a celebration of New Years. But with the spectacle that 2020 put on, I cannot tell if blowing things up to light up the sky is a symbol for how things pretty much went in 2020, or how "great" they will go in 2021. Think about it, when we celebrate new years, we celebrate the year that has not been. We go into it hopefully wishing for even better.

So I wanted to set a reminder for all the resolution-makers, champagne-drinkers, firework-watchers and pork-and-sauerkraut eaters (as is the tradition in Pennsylvania), that you must look out for something more constant. As the last stanza reminds us, the wise men did not celebrate new years, or pinpoint each year with fireworks. Instead they followed a bright constant star in the night which would lead them to Christ.

As you go forth in 2021, take note of the ways you can better follow "The Constant Star" rather than the temporary colorful lights of the new year. Everything in this world eventually passes and we seem to expect something every time. I truly praise God for this past year, I praise him for the challenges that were able to change me. But in a sinful world, these are but blessings, not hopes.

In 2021, I want to be reminded again and again that the constant, unfading, never-changing, always has and always will be star in my life is the God to whom I have committed my life too. Through blessing or downfall, I will praise his name for he loves me and I love him. And he will guide me along this horizon, this timeline of my life, until he takes me home. Praise his name for ever! Happy New Years forever!