Dating – my experience (or inexperience) and where’s the value in singleness?

Dating...Oooooo! It seems like a loaded term, especially for Christians. Does it mean that they are friends who are exploring? Or are they more serious? To be honest, it really varies between cultures. Dating to me is going out on dates with people who you are interested in, but are not yet serious about. When you finally reach boyfriend/girlfriend stage, then you are a little more serious.

But what can I say, I've never had either before.

I mean, I've been asked to the ball before...by a friend. And I didn't even have a date for my Senior ball. And I've only ever been friends with guys. And sure, I've had crushes...but none of them liked me. And my life really is a mess, isn't it? I'm a loser, aren't I?

Well, in the eyes of modern culture, I probably am.

But really, does it matter that much?

And I'm being super hypocritical because I have often whined to my friends (who are in a relationship) that I am looking for something, just like them. And sometimes, I feel like the only girl a guy has never liked. And I feel like no guy will ever ask me out. So men, don't let this be off-pudding for you - take me on a date! :)

Singleness is a less popular, but common and incredibly valid option:

Whilst singleness is often the life people don't want to chose, singleness does not come without its benefits - especially as Christians. And I think we all know Paul's words on singleness - he endorses it. But, truly, I know that so much can be accomplished independently, especially if you are an incredibly confident person.

And whether or not you felt built for a relationship and haven't yet found one, God can really use you in this time. Remember, he gave you this life to enjoy, but the main purpose is to glorify him. And as I am single right now, I can totally say that I have been able to do so much. I have been able to serve in so many ministries that may have been available but stressful to manage of I was in a relationship.

I met a girl in the Philippines (shout-out if you are reading this) who was 27 and single. Whilst this is not old, she was definitely interested in being in a relationship at some point. But what really stood out to me was her contentment in whatever God had planned for her life. In fact, she was able to do Mission work in the Philippines for quite a while, just because she is single. If she was in a relationship, perhaps such a lengthy period of time would just be hard.

But dating isn't bad then, right?

I don't think I have ever thought of dating as a bad thing, but it works out differently for different people. And being boyfriend of girlfriend can be successful once, or has to be tried out multiple times before marriage. And in the midst of these relationships, we must learn to make priority for number one: God.

Remember what is said in Deuteronomy: to love the Lord our God with all our heart souls and minds. And then Jesus tells us that the second greatest commandment is to love our neighbours as ourselves. Put God first always. Jesus even tells us to hate our friends and families, in order that we might follow him. Of course he does not mean for us to literally hate them - because that is murder. But it means to lay aside all the world offers - all worldly relationships - to follow him.

If you are getting caught up in non-committal relationship (by that I mean, one that isn't marriage) and you are not putting God first, change your focus. If this is impossible, perhaps stop dating or being in a relationship with them. This is not the final word, but I think the Bible is fairly clear who must come first.

So no, dating is not wrong. Especially if it could lead to a longer-lasting marriage relationship with Christ as head.

Note the word 'could'

There are so many people who would disagree with me on this, but in my honest opinion, not all relationships must end in marriage. However, I do think that marriage should be considered - right from the start of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship - the end goal.

I DO NOT LIKE the presumption in many a Christian community that the person you date or get in a relationship with must be the person you marry. What if they aren't the right person? Must you marry them simply because your end goal is marriage? If a couple is not in a legal commitment before God and witnesses, can we really expect them to stay together, when everything seems to be driving them apart?

In conclusion

I am a single pringle, as they like to say -which really is a depressing metaphor, if you think about it, because you can't just eat one single pringle. In that way, the metaphor is a faulty one, because singleness is not depressing, it is exciting and invigorating and freeing.

But so is dating. And whilst I would love to be in a relationship right now, I know this will happen when the right guy comes along, and when God calls this godly man to ask me out. My inexperience with romantic relationships would make me a loser in the eyes of the world. But I could switch that in my own mind - to see it as a chance to serve God in a way that only a single person could.

And if a godly guy so happens to ask me out, I know we can learn to serve God just as well together.