Change.

Everything seems to change suddenly when you get older. You think in moments of pure joy that nothing could ever shift. It's not that you think it couldn't get better, nor that it couldn't get worse, rather you never believed - in your bliss - that you could ever see something transform. You might call any change a major 'revolution' or maybe a slight 'fluctuation'. You might have seen it coming and prepared all you could. You might have expected the expected.

But even expected changes I call 'unexpected'.

I have never dealt well with change. I recall one Christmas season when Mom and Dad set up the Christmas tree in our TV room, instead of our living room. I wept. Sure, I was a young child, but I'm still not sure how well I would deal with it now. I know where it goes, the same place it has always gone. Why must we shift the standard? Why change what's expected?

The Christmas tree ought to have been in the living room. That was my standard.

I recall moving to the house we now live in. We had the boxes still packed that first night here. I cried in my new yellow-walled room. "I want to go back home," I said, many tears running down my youthful cheeks. Mom and Dad witnessed their daughter, yet again, seeking to take a step back, hoping the change could be reversed.

Our family ought to have been back where we lived before. That was my standard.

Notice the trend? My standard. Not only was I being incredibly self-seeking, but only one person's expectation wasn't being met.: mine Change was affecting me. But you might argue most people don't deal well with unexpected changes. But I feel a part of the minority that doesn't deal well with even the expected change.

Organization.

I had this intense phase in my adolescence where I organized all of my family's stuff (& life). I believe it was kickstarted at a weak moment in my childhood. Mom saw I had broken a new Barbie doll she had given me for Christmas and told me she would no longer buy me new toys if I couldn't take care of what I had. That pretty much knocked the untidy bug out of me. I suddenly wanted to care for my things. My new standard, which, in retrospect, was a good change.

But part of me wonders if my desire to constantly rearrange, change, and declutter my family's home was, in part, a desire to endure, cope, and conform to all the change going on around me. All of a sudden, it didn't matter if the Christmas tree was in a different location, because so was that bookshelf in the guest bedroom. It didn't matter if we opened presents in a different room, because every room looked a little different. My busy hands were too preoccupied with rearranging stuff, my mind didn't have to focus on the change. I was allowing myself to grow numb to change.

The first thought that may have come to your mind: she thinks household organization is a drug. Maybe, hold onto that thought. The second thought: she might be overthinking this hobby of hers. Maybe, or this is a metaphor. The third thought: this is metaphorical for something else she will explain later. I'm glad you think so.

The past four years have come with a lot of transition. I remember in the summer between Year 10 and Year 11, my aunt and Uncle came to Australia. I remember very distinctly going on a family walk one night and my Uncle asked me "What do you think will be hardest if you go to the US for college?" I pretty vividly remember saying "Change." And truly, moving overseas was the hardest decision for me in the long run - that many 'goodbyes' was traumatic. Yet, in my first semester at college, I wrote a paper for my Gen Ed English class entitled "He Has All Sovereignty". In it, I recall the faithfulness of God to call me to travel 11,000 miles away from home, to bring me to a place where I was given amazing opportunities. Because this calling came so young, I had time to see the horizon. So I expected this change.

Perhaps you too have changes you expect on the horizon. Many of my friends are recently engaged, and now expecting marriage. That will be a certain change, joyful for sure, but I wonder if it will still feel unexpected. College Seniors have just graduated, which I assume they expected, and they expect to find work, but I wonder if there is a part of them in shock from this change. I have older family friends who have recently passed, and we kind of expected them to, but I wonder if we are still taken aback by their passing.

Why does the expected change always seem to hurt more, whether happy or sad? I wonder if it is because we have a desire for what is unchanging, and "the Great Unchangeable I AM" (Charitie Lees Bankcroft).

The desire for what is unchanging.

Whether or not household organization is a hobby of mine or a mark of my perfectionism, I believe it could epitomize my desire to "fit in" with change. Change happened around me, so I changed what was around me. But what if everything was unchanging? "Fitting in" would look like not changing at all, which sounds pretty good, until we realize what unchanging means in our fallen states. Romans 1 shows us that our "foolish hearts" are "darkened" (1:21). While believers in Jesus Christ have experienced the "already" of their salvation, there is still the "not-yet", as we await the passing away and glorification of our earthly bodies.

But the beautiful part is that we are continually made more like Christ daily. When I got back home just a few days ago, I cried because I knew I was coming back to a place that had changed in the four years I had been gone. Mom told me, "But Ayns, change is a good thing." By it, I believe she implied spiritual change - if people don't change, what kind of God do we serve?

1 Thessalonians says that God's will is that we might be "sanctified" (4:3). He wants us to change - so it is right that we do change. It's not that He's discontent with how He made us. He was the one who looked at man and saw he was "very good" (Genesis 1:31). He sees us as "fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14). What He's displeased with is our current fallenness. He made us in His image and likeness, and we are tarnished. God's will is for us to experience changed hearts, those that reflect His Son - His image - in a better way.

I organize the house because I want to fit in with the change - it permits most of the external change I experience to be expected. Similarly, I must act according to and fit in with the change God is working in me to by more like His Son.

But sanctification is a tiring process because it requires sharpening. It is a hard and painful work (Heb 12:1; Lk 13:24; Prov 3:11-12). And in these hurtful times of arduous work, we likely desire what is unchanging. We desire that day when our sanctification will be complete as we are kept blameless until the presence of Christ (1 Thess 5:23; Phil 1:6). It will be so much easier to be perfect. Not only will we be perfect, we will see the Perfect One.

The desire for the Unchanging One.

So much of our desire is for this world and our circumstances to be unchanging. But I hope you also realize that all of that is dependent (as are you) on a person who directs the situations and circumstances around you. That Person is immutable (unchanging). That person is your Greatest Hope. That Person is the One whom we trust in to be the same "Yesterday, today and forever" (Heb 13:8). That Person is God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

I serve a God who promises to change me, and grants me a longing for perfection. And this perfection is found in Him, because He is holy. It is only this that I can rest on, whether or not I handle expected or unexpected changes well. Regardless of my circumstances, I must look to Him to be the standard. When everything else breaks my standard, the God who changed my heart creates a desire within me for His perfect, unchanging standard, His holiness, His righteousness. And every day, the "Great Unchangeable I AM" is the "King of Glory and Grace. One with Himself, I cannot die. My soul is purchased by His blood, my life is safe with Christ on high. With Christ my Savior and my God."

I'm okay with change.

I'm not good with change, I'm okay with it. God allows me to change for my good and for His glory. But He also allows me to long for a time when no more change is necessary because the world will be completely and fully restored unto Himself. I'm okay with change, expected or unexpected, because I have a God who expects everything to pass that was declared in His plan.

I just graduated college, I'm moving to a new town, I'm adjusting to life in Australia for a couple of months, I have friends who are moving into different life stages, and I am personally changed. But God knew all of that. And I thank Him for change, it is right. And I thank Him that He does not leave me the same. If He did, I would still be fallen. I would forever be separated from the Unchangeable One.

That was to be expected in my disobedience. But God did the unexpected :)